Embracing Friendship

As my personality can be very intense, sometimes maddening to be around, I have created the following list (in no particular order) of...

18 Things MY FRIENDS KNOW about me ...

or

18 Things YOU NEED TO KNOW if you wish to be my friend:

1. I am allergic to Tobacco, and thus Cigarette Smoke. If you smoke, you cannot be around me. If you live with someone or spend time with a friend who smokes, I cannot be around you. You cannot have smoked (or been around someone who smokes) within the past hour if you wish to be within 15 feet of me.
   
   Besides being allergic to tobacco, I dislike the odor and will go into uncontrollable coughing fits when exposed to even a whiff of it. I am hypersensitive to the stench of cigarettes and can smell it on a non-smoker even if he or she just happened to walk past a smoker and enter my vicinity. Many of my relatives smoke and I simply do not visit them, specifically due to that, regardless of distance.

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2. I am Atheist, and thus do not tolerate attacks on my lack of beliefs.
   If you are religious and want to convert everyone around you to your faith (as most of my family members seem to want, which is another reason why I do not visit them often), then please either keep it to yourself or expect me to lash out at you when you assault my freedom to not believe.
   
   We can coexist peacefully unless you try to make me feel differently about what I consider audacious ignorance.

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3. I neither like nor comprehend sports.
   If you enjoy sports of any kind, please know that I was never taught and never learned on my own appreciation for sports of any kind. I dislike them and see them as a complete waste of time, energy, and money.
   
   So, no, I do not know nor want to know "the score" or "who will win" the sporting contest in question.

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4. I do not drink alcohol. No, it's not a religious thing (I'm Atheist, remember?). I simply find the taste, effects, and aroma of alcoholic drinks completely disgusting. I have no interest in losing my inhibitions on the level which alcohol takes them.
   
   I can have a great time just sitting at home watching a fascinating show on TV, playing a game on my PC (no consoles here), or going to a movie and (maybe) dinner afterward (or before)... The dangers of alcohol use and addiction just do not appeal to me.
   
   I do not know anything about the varieties of alcohol, nor do I care to learn. So, for all my high school, college, and former co-worker "friends" who think going out every night (or every weekend) and getting drunk as a skunk is a fun thing to do... I beg to differ.

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5. I am Native American.I will not tell you what "percentage" I am because that is a governmental mandated requirement for registering as an indentured non-citizen within the United States.
   
   No Native on any Reservation will ever talk about "blood percentage."
   
   Certainly, my father's mother is German and Irish. Half of my mother's grandparents were European invaders (immigrants? settlers? don't make me laugh), but in my heart and in my attitudes, in my actions and in my words, I stand tall and proud as an Oglala Lakotah. My mother has explored and researched for years, to find that our families are Miami Native on her side and Oglala Lakotah on my Dad's side.

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6. My morality is unquestionable.I do not tolerate any form of racism or ethnic discrimination, any form of sexual harassment or hateful activities. I am dire in my sincerity and tend to take things very seriously. However, I do fight for the rights and freedoms of the individual and the genocidally-oppressed Native Peoples of the North American Continent.

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7. My tact is (sometimes) questionable.You need to be conscious of my faults and be tolerant of my mildly-OCD personality, which - once unleashed - can overwhelm you with brutal straight talk on topics not found in general polite conversation.
   
   I was abused as a child and tend to not notice when I speak out of turn. Some of my coworkers and extended family members who have known me for years still find me astonishingly shocking at times.

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8. My sense of humor is raw, morbid, and stern.If you crack a joke and I do not laugh, smirk, or even take notice, it may be because I do not find much humor in banal or immature joking.
   
   Your "Common Sense" is not the same as the Common Sense that I was raised with. If I do understand you, I will occasionally indulge you by playing along. This seems to make people think I am gullible, but I simply understand and wish to turn your humor on its head. I am contradictory and impulsive when in comfortable conversation.

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9. I can be offensively contradictory.If you happen to say "Bless you" or "God" in any context, I usually think and occasionally may speak a contradictory term.
   
   Being anti-religious, I do my best to keep my opinions to myself, but if you inadvertently say something relating to God or religion, I may come back with something shocking and dark.
   
   For example: I sneeze and you say "Bless You" I will either say NO thank you or - if I am in a truly dark mood - say "Hail Satan" - not that I believe in Satan, as one must believe in God in order to believe in Satan. I simply say it to get a response and to make people re-think their perceptions.

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10. I am tall but short.I have a habit of talking about my height, the average height of my family (6'5"), shoe sizes, and other aspects of life repeatedly. I am honestly "size-ist" and any time I see photos of myself in a crowd of shorter people, it reinforces my weirdness for talking about how short I am (6'3") in my family.

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11. I am meticulous and verbose, intellectual and introspective.I speak using words which some people seem to find incomprehensible. I will commonly talk in the same manner as I have written here. I use words like "indubitably" and "salacious" and even "auspicious" and "interim" within my writings and in casual conversation.
    
    I am one of those grammar police who will correct you mid-sentence and enjoys marking up manuscripts and other people's writings, as well as my own. I know the difference between there, they're, and their, the misuse of to and too, tend to get furious when people write than when they mean then (or vice-versa).

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12. I frequently make references to movies, television, and books I have read.
    Sometimes I will - out of the blue - spout lines of dialogue from them. If you are unfamiliar with what I say it comes off a bit awkward sometimes. The most frequent nuggets of dialogue come from:
    
    The Fifth Element, Highlander, The Butterfly Effect, Die Hard, Independence Day, Hellraiser, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (original Radio Plays or Novels), Red Dwarf, LEXX, Hogan's Heroes, Scooby Doo (the 1970's original), He-Man (the 1980's original), and Inspector Gadget, to name a few.
    I am a film fanatic and sometimes just seek out spoilers to help decide if a film is worth seeing, but will ask you respectfully if you have seen the film yet or not just in case you wish me to not spoil it for you.

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13. I do not socialize face to face very often.I have co-workers, former classmates, and family. Outside of that, I see few people at theatrical auditions and rehearsals. I consider most people on the level of "associates" who do not know me outside of a common environment like work or school.
    
    It's not that I am afraid or uncomfortable, but I am just not used to knowing or hanging out with people who consider "going out" a regular thing.

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14. I can be a real downer.I try to be positive. I try to keep my tact level far above my "lack-of-knowing what the heck you think is so fun or funny" level, but sometimes I just seem to interrupt and bring people down.
    
    I have things to say. Some are profound and astonishing contributions, while many still will make you lose your train of thought, or just bring you down. I can be a downer, but - when in my element - I can just as likely be the person who gives you that million-dollar epiphany that changes your life for the good.

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15. Country Music is never an option. Never, ever. NEVER!

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16. I may seem uncultured to many who has a wholesome upbringing.I have no knowledge of classical music. Not a clue. Ditto for Jazz, "classic" Rock from the 1960's (Beatles - who? Who - who? Grateful Dead - who? Stones - who? Not a clue).
    
    My mom loves and raised me on ZZ Top, Styx, and the Eagles. I grew up listening to those as well as Poison, Motley Crue, Stryper, and many of the top 10 bands of the 1980's.
    
    Having been abused by my father, I never received exposure to classical or many other bands that are the staple "MUST HAVE" bands for anyone else born between 1960 and 1980.
    
    Even in my adult life, I simply have never found the desire or any reason to educate myself on classical music or those other bands mentioned. Certainly, I have tried listening to some of them, but just found absolutely no appeal in their vocals or instrumental stylings.

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17. My priorities are thus:
1. Creativity
2. Emotional Expression
3. Financial Security through dedication and alert focus while working
4. Striving for Success and Advancement of my Dreams
5. Cat Naps with my Cats
6. Relaxation and Enjoyment of Life
7. Coping with my past and finding creative outlets for the rage and instability hidden deep in my subconscious
8. Relationships with loved ones
9. Socializing with "Friends" and "Acquaintances."

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18. I am a bit OCD.My Mildly Obsessive-Compulsive personality can occasionally make people dread my presence or fear me.
    
    Having been raised in a hard, harsh, impolite atmosphere of abuse and hatred filled with fear, my lack of social skills may occasionally terrify or shock everyone around me.
    
    Anyone who knows me well enough and wishes to be the kind of friend who will help smooth over the ripples of inappropriate comments or disruptive looks or statements is more than welcome to be my friend.

The Separation of Church & Straight (and other perceptions, or lacks thereof)

What is the Separation of Church and Straight?


No, that is not a typo.


The Separation of Church and Straight is an idea I had today when listening to some random talk radio personality on whose show a caller had a slip of the tongue and said "Separation of Church and Straight... I mean State." 


My point here is that there should be a divide between Church and all things dealing with sexuality and choice and freedom of pursuing personal happiness. Thus, a Separation of Church and Straight, or Gay or Bi or any personal lifestyle preference is essential for progress and movement to be made for equality in this country. 


For far too long, the religious extremists have taken the political stage and pushed their fanatical agenda to prohibit and eliminate any form of pleasure or happiness for Americans who choose to live a life with different rules than those they personally espouse. 


Since my freshman year at Knox College, I have done everything in my personal life to open my mind to acceptance (having spent many years being oppressed by a religious fanatical Southern Baptist church).

When I first became aware of alternate lifestyle choices, I was afraid and ignorant, but have discovered that many friends enjoy their personal lives in their own way which differs from what I was brainwashed as acceptable. 

Having overcome that brainwashing, I hold no animosity for anyone except the fools who fear what they refuse to accept or understand. 


My philosophy is as follows: 

What two people in love do in the privacy of their own relationship is no business of anyone outside of that relationship. leave it alone and we can all have Life, Liberty, and Pursue our own happiness in whatever way we see fit. Hey... where have I heard those words before...??? 

Brainwashing is what has happened throughout history, as the religions and the "Church" have used every form of manipulation, war, abuse, and torture to instill into the general populace the soap suds of religious dogma. What needs to occur to these bubbly fanatics is a rinse cycle to wash away the soapy tendrils of ignorance and fear, the better to allow them to think clearly about the facts of life and see what the suds have hidden from them for countless generations: the truth which they refuse to acknowledge could possibly hold any basis in fact. 




Now let me flip the world around: Separation of Church and Straight...


Imagine a world where being Straight was considered a moral obscenity by the religious majority. Certainly, procreation must occur to maintain the existence of the species, but besides that, just humor me a moment...  


To the point:


Would "man and woman" lovers want the intimate details of their love life plastered all over the news and discussed with distaste in Congress or by Political or Religious leaders? 


Husbands and Wives certainly do not talk their intimate activities. Neither do people of different lifestyles. 

When two people wish to make each other happy, the only thing that should be of concern is safety and privacy. How is it anyone's business besides the two (or perhaps more?) people who are enjoying one another's company? 

For those offended by my words or my open blatant discussion of these topics, I am not sorry. 


I understand you may not think it is right to share my thoughts or opinions. 


I grew up in an abusive home with fear and terror every. single. day. I was exposed at a very young age to the horrific nature of the universe and the darkest parts of human nature. Due to that, I sometimes have difficulty keeping my mouth shut and sometimes may shock or astound my family members or peers. 


I am a truthful, open, honest man. I do not apologize for my blunt nature. 


I was not raised in an environment in which polite conversation took place. I was not taught proper etiquette for conversation or meals or ... whatever it is that I do not even know to mention here because I have no knowledge of it... 


So for those who insist I should not state my opinions or support causes which may offend one or multiple persons, for those who find me crude, uncouth, and undisciplined, please know that what I have in my perception of the world is tarnished, tainted, and blistering with welts from decades of beatings from my father - and I know no better. 




The above being analyzed and placed upon the ether like a wind broken upon a breeze... 


I try. 


I do try to comply with morality and what I happen to skim off the surface of perception when I am in a situation where others expect more of me... Yet, my ignorance and lack of exposure to some things in the common culture of American Life and World Society leaves me lacking in the eyes of others.


I honestly know nothing of classical music, do not comprehend the point of sporting events, have no idea why people may drink the foul fermentation of century-old grapes and call it pleasurable..?

My musical, artistic, and cultural tastes were limited and confined to a few of the favorite things which my mother and grandparents happened to enjoy. I never knew who The Beatles were until I was 16 and in High School. I do not understand the music of The Who or The Rolling Stones or ... well, I have no knowledge of names of similar bands because I have never been exposed to them, or perhaps dislike them to the point I have never held their existence in my mind long enough to recall them in order to describe them in this disclosure of cultural deprivation... 

And thus many of you who have so far chosen to take the time to take in all that I have given out here in these paragraphs... Now you may better understand why I have these odd looks or unusual reactions or lack of comprehension when you may mention something like "The White Album" or "Symphony No. 7" or "Monet-esque"... To me that is all gibberish (and I even had to Google it to find out the proper spelling and names of these things) which my faint recollection of astonished lack of understanding can barely manage to bring forth. 


I am at a loss for now and shall thus take my leave of typing furthermore this evening. Until some time later then...

Tranquility Fate (prose)

The tranquility of peaceful sensation: confidence overwhelms my moment of now as I philosophize apathy and consider all aspects of relaxation of mind and body within my warm place of being.

The loveliness of calmness is an artifice brought upon my current like a still water that can never last as the wind always blows away the glassy surface of smoothness with ripples of emotional distress.

Yet I suppress these anxieties and frustrations, caring only for the freedom of enjoyment as I envision the endless distance of imaginated fugue state: I am comforted by the peaceful outlook I have taken upon myself, having replaced the constant dilapidated state of distress which has been my life and past pains.

And yet in my calm state of mind, I find myself reminiscing over what is yet to be or soon to come while a whisper of regret lingers about my mind like a cloud of smoke, cloying and swirling with the slightest breeze or exhalation of breath.

What I need and what I want have come into alignment and the fruition of those desires will be forthcoming upon their own arrival time, hopefully sooner than later.

For my words may shock those who think that they know me, but the horrific nightmares I experienced as a youth have become ingrained into my life and persona, fortifying and encapsulating me.

Such topics which I speak aloud in casual conversation with matter-of-factness are taboo: they utterly astound and shatter the perception of those around me who stand with shocked expression and whisper that my words were too much for their fragile realities to conceive of as normality...




And yet these things are nothing shocking to my own mind and lifestyle as I have accepted them as part of my being and incorporated them into my heart and mind.




However I find that I must censor my own words and edit my mad thoughts before they leap from my tongue into the over-sensitive atmosphere of over-confidence which surrounds those who grew up within an environment which nurtured, protected, and cushioned them from the dramas and horrors of what I find to be part of my childhood.

My American dreams are the nightmares of politicians who prefer to slice their own roads with the cash provided by their special interests, which have nothing to do with the interests of those who are truly special and in dire need of guidance and protection from such greed and carelessness - as that which purports to be for the good of all benefits a mere few.

These dreams of a world in which society as a whole is protected from those who would do any portion of that society harm: protected by a governing body of people who truly listen to the individuals who live in the worst possible conditions; protected by people of influence who will work to their maximum potential to make the least man's life better.




These are the nightmares of the warring factions of oil-mongrels who insist that they receive their own share before anyone else can even see how much is there in the first place.




Ah, but these pipe dreams can bring about the downfall of so many who see themselves as essential and integral to the working functions of this society of American greed. Due to this essential inevitability, little chance exists for the society to become a great covenant of self-sufficiency in a world that sees only the bottom line of profitability; damn the need for stability within our own country!

And even still I find myself calmed and soothed by the fact that there is still a chance for true change in this world, if only those who live in fear would wake up from the nightmare of a greedy corporatocracy and seize back the reins of power, to lash the workhorses and work houses back to full tilt and bring America out of the ditch.

The solutions of tomorrow must be found in the shadows of our yesterdays and utilized to renovate this shabby home: fumigate the evils of society and scrub away the muck from our dilapidated factories; find a way to bring us back from this brink at which we are poised to be punched in the face and plummet to our doom.

All the while we continue to buy foreign-made goods and stare in shock at the cost of buying something made by people within our own borders; thus the cycle of inevitable atrophy continues to eat away at our souls.